the patron saint of imperfections

Sat, 03 May 2008 22:44:16 GMT

What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow (a couple of times, actually, for some masochistic reason)
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

why in the hell don't people read these books? they're really amazing. hell, some of the books on here are on my list of favorites.

it's raining and the pup is very snuggly though. I only had to work three hours this morning, which I wasn't expecting, and I'm slowly managing to rehydrate myself. I'm supposed to go to the store, but I really don't want to wander around in all this rain.

pointless entry. sorry about that.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:12:48 GMT

so, the deal on Lola is, there are a couple of people in there this week doing trial days, but IF they don't work out, I get to go in next week to do the same thing.

I rarely think bad things about people. or, if I do, it's not really bad so much as just an observation such as, "wow, that woman has weird hair." now I find myself in the odd position of sitting here on my couch desperately hoping that the people in there this week drop, burn, and otherwise maim desserts beyond any recognizable shape so that I can get in there.

please send bad thoughts their ways. I need this job. need as in...if this doesn't work out and I can't find some sort of baking teaching job, it'll be borders or a video store for me. something that pays, anyway, much as I want to just run to the animal shelter and volunteer all my hours away right now.

something about being an adult and making stupid choices and then having to live with them.

maybe I'll just eat some lunch and go paint the den. nothing like a little physical labor to cheer you up. and it would make Owen happy, I'll wager.

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:42:00 GMT

have you ever just had something that you couldn't talk about with your significant other? I mean....something that you felt like it was important, but they just make it impossible to discuss?

Owen is mean to the dog. not like...hitting him or anything, but he's just got such a bad temper where the dog is concerned. he's always been a little too rough with him, but whenever I'd try to remind him that D'Artagnan is...you know, a little dog, and nine years old, he'd seem to acknowledge it for a day or so, and then back to tossing him around and rough-housing. he grew up with a labrador, so he's used to a dog he can wrestle with, and D'Artagnan really isn't that kind of dog.

and now that he's hurt and supposed to be resting, everytime he so much as stands up Owen is all over him, using his "mean" voice and yelling at him. the dog responds just as well when I tell him to sit down, and I just say it in a normal voice. he's even rough when he's giving him medicine, to the point that D'Artagnan will just sit nice and still when I give it to him, and when Owen tries he squirms and just tries to get away.

when I try to tell him to be gentle with him though, Owen just starts yelling about how he's "always wrong" about the dog. and I don't know what he means. it's gotten to the point that every time he talks to the dog, D'Artagnan just crawls under the bed. today he was trying to go down the stairs, and Owen screamed at him really loudly, and he had an accident.

which is fun, since, you know, the vet told us that would probably happen while he was on the steroids, and he was trying to go down the stairs, towards the door.

I don't know. it feels ridiculous to fight about the dog, but I don't know how to convince him that he just needs to be a little gentler with the dog, and not scream at him so much. he's already confused as to why we won't play with him anymore, and why he's not allowed up on the bed.

I don't know. bad mood today. I guess.

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 01:04:24 GMT

"Comment on this post. I will choose seven interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post your this along with your answers in your own journal so that others can play along."

1. Big Cities
large urban areas have a certain appeal to me, mostly because there's a lot to do in them. I really enjoyed minneapolis because there was so much by my apartment that I could walk to. finding myself in the middle of nowhere new york really threw it into perspective that, while I do enjoy the peace and quiet of rural living for short periods at a time, big cities are much more my thing.

2. Infatuation
I've spent a lot of time during the course of my life pondering love and the different ways people are in it. in most relationships, the infatuation stage is really the most exciting, and things either taper off and die from there, or just settle into something even better. I guess my interest in it is mostly in the ways it makes people feel and act.

3. Marlon Brando
Marlon Brando was an amazing actor who hated the fact that he was famous. I really can't describe my interest in him beyond that. his presence on the screen is so powerful and wonderful; I could watch his movies all day and be perfectly happy.

4. Planets near Betelgeuse
it's a Douglas Adams reference, in that Ford Prefect was from a planet near betelgeuse. I also like having intersets that no one else has. I'm a little surprised this one has remained so, especially after the movie came out.

5. Politics
this one has waned a little, especially now that I no longer want to go into law, but I still have a passing interest. I still enjoy the occasional political debate, and I still think they're fascinating, so I haven't felt the need to remove it from my list completely.

6. Staying up all night
my sleep schedule has always been a little strange. when I was younger I could usually be perfectly happy on three or four hours of sleep. with my advanced age I'm finding that six is better now, but I still don't need all that much. I do my best writing when most other people are asleep and the house is dark and quiet. it's a very relaxing time to be outside as well.

7. Writing (poorly)
I have very little confidence in my own ability to write. the fact that "writing (poorly)" is an interest that's shared by many people on lj also amuses me a little bit, so I've left it.

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 02:11:35 GMT

so, Owen and I had to do laundry today, since the place we had been taking our laundry to kept losing our clothes. I don't like it when my clothes get lost, so we decided to spend quality time at Dirty Dungarees, the wonderful place that is both laundromat and bar.

no, really. they serve liquor there.

we didn't partake of the liquor, but, we did find the following:

now, you might assume that this is a parrot machine. I've seen those before. but you'd be mistaken. upon closer examination it became apparent that it was in fact a large red dog riding a purple dinosaur. Owen and I decided it was Clifford the dog riding Dino. it was more fun for us that way.

this Clifford / Dino combination called out for our quarters. all of our extra quarters. upon insertion of a single quarter, it could be heard to say, "I love the sound of money! Here's an egg for you. Have a happy day!"

inside the eggs were prizes. strange prizes. I'm not sure why the offspring of a big red dog and a happy-go-lucky dinosaur would take the following shapes.

the first prize we found was the following gem:

on the other side, it has a picture of Ricky Martin. you can't tell from the picture, but under the "I love Ricky Martin" part it says it's from 1999. so...I'm assuming that this dinosaur / dog machine hasn't been refilled since about that time. needless to say, I wore this necklace all day. and giggled every time I saw it.

next, and for no apparent reason, I talked Owen into getting temporary tattoos. it turned out in a strange fashion.

possibly the worst temporary tattoos ever. Owen's wanted pie:

mine was so awful, that his horns refused to come off the paper and he came out looking a little sad.

both of these tattoos had peeled off within ten minutes of application. that is precisely how wonderful they were. so, it was back to the dinosaur / dog eggs. this is what came out next:

what would you expect to see inside a big crate marked: "DANGER: LION"?

AN INVISIBLE LION! OH MY GOD, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
oh, wait, no, it's just empty. there is no reason in the world for this toy to exist. seriously. we pondered it for a long time, and came up empty.

yet another trip to the machine gave me this:

it's a tiger dinosaur monster! with no legs, but part of a foot. it, however, is of a higher quality that the tattoos we got from the actual tattoo machine, as it is in fact still quite nicely attached to my hand.

by now, I was seriously addicted. the things coming out of this machine made no sense at all, and since our clothes seemed to be taking their own sweet time to dry, I begged Owen for more quarters. I don't know why. a streak of masochism? temporary insanity? only time will tell. these were the next additions to our collection:

Owen really liked the Bane figure.

the other figureine had the creepiest eyes ever. one of them was pointed in a completely opposite direction than the other. she could fit inside the lion box.

Bane tried to fit in the lion box.

Bane broke the lion box.

and then there was this:

it launched a small plastic disc which was lost immediately. also, for some inexplicable reason, it said "venus" on the side.

warning: does not work with coins. we tried. the coins were also instantly lost. on the upside, this prize was obtained with a namco fun coin. we're sticking it to the man.

about this time, we realized that our clorox for colors had been possessed by the ooze from ghostbusters 2.

the bubbles didn't show up very well in the picture. but I assure you, there was a large collection of bubbles oozing out from the lid. perhaps the invisible lion climbed in there and was struggling for breath. anyway. our fear required that we make another trip to the dog dinosaur. this came out.

to keep Bane company! of course! needless to say, Owen began spouting amusing, vaguely nerdy Batman related pick-up lines. weird voices were involved. I giggled. this inevitably happened.

followed by this.

and then this.

apparently the invisible lion box is capable of being fixed. pretty easily, in fact. just in case the invisible lion gets out and you have to put him back in in a hurry.

our final trip to the machine before out laundry was dry gave us this.

I don't know who in hell decided that this would make a good prize. but check out the helpful directions on the back.

this is Owen ignoring the directions.

and this is our final egg count.

also, for anyone interested, this was the less-than-thrilling result of the confetti packet. we tried it out in the parking lot outside. it took Owen some serious determination to get the damn thing to pop. he really shouldn't have expended the effort.

unrelated: livejournal has no idea how to spell hijinks.

but yeah. the laundromat was full of unexpected fun. a magical day was had by all.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 05:54:19 GMT

overshare of the night:

it is amazing what a little fantastic sex followed by curling up with your unbelievably sweet, supportive boyfriend will do for your stress level.

seriously.

hey, I warned you.

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 22:20:49 GMT

just woke up from a dream in which people just kept making jokes about fish that were somehow vaginal in reference.

ex:
My Poppa used to ask all us girls what fish we liked best, and what would we say?
Vlotska!

I don't know. there was also a bit in which someone's husband was leaving because he had to finish writing a book, and they were having really loud sex in the next room.

then Jenni and I got arrested for traffic violations, and at the driver's ed class we had to take, they went around the room and everyone had to tell a fish joke. for some reason, Jenni, we both had very heavy eastern european accents. and most of the jokes were about vaginas.

I have no idea. weirdest dream ever.

options

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 00:12:51 GMT

talked to my mom today for a long time. we usually wind up chatting forever, because she's the only person I ever really get particularly chatty with in general. we've really patched up our relationship since all the drama a couple of years ago, and I think now she knows me better than most people.

which really isn't what I had planned to say, it just still kind of surprises me how well we get along now. something about she finally recognized that I'm not a little girl anymore, and I finally quit acting like one.

but....today she just offered something that's making me think too much. the basic situation is this. by the time I'm done here, after paying for rent and food and gas and just all the other stuff, I'm going to have about a thousand dollars left in my bank account. in the grand scheme of things, that's really not a lot.

and to tell you the truth, it's probably not enough to get me moved from ohio back to minnesota and certainly not enough to get me another apartment. not with security deposits and pet deposits and all that. if I count on getting all of my security deposit from here back I'll be close to two thousand, but I dont' think that I should, considering the damage the dog has already done to the new door and to some of the carpet right in front of it.

so, today my mom idly suggested that maybe I should just stay at home for a while. she has a couple of clients who own restaurants, and she knows for a fact that at least one of them is hiring in the pastry department. her thinking seems to be that if I stay at home just for a year, I won't have to worry about rent, or the dog destorying things, or....really, money period. I'd be able to put probably 90% of every paycheck in the bank and not touch it for a year. even if I'm working a job that doesn't pay all that well, I'd still have a pretty good chunk saved up by the time I hit a year.

there were reasons I really wanted to get back to minneapolis. some of them were pretty good reasons. some of them are even bordering on being good enough that this is requiring a lot of thought, because I don't know what I want to do anymore. scrounging desperately for money my first few months in minneapolis would be manageable, but it would probably be unpleasant. if I stay at home for a year and just save like a crazy person, I could probably be in a good place for getting a new car some time next year. not new new....but new to me, in any event, and probably slightly less old. my car's not on it's last legs yet, but I know it's coming. probably sooner rather than later.

so, I don't know. I honestly have no idea. the smart thing to do would be to tell my mom to give my resume to her client who's hiring and tell her I'm coming home. I could still keep in touch with my friends in minnesota, and it's entirely possible that at the end of a year, when I'm in a better place financially, I could go back. anyone who's really my friend anyway should be willing to support a decision like that, right?

I don't know. I don't know what the right decision is. there are people who will be unhappy about the smart decision, but the decision I want to make would probably have me miserable for months. I'm past the point of saying I wish someone would just make it for me....but I wish it were easier.

the biggest thing in support of working at home, however, is that I would at least get to be there for holidays. if I had been working normally at the restaurant during christmas, I would have wound up working christmas eve and probably christmas morning. there would have been almost no way to be home for christmas.

I don't know. being an adult is scary sometimes.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 16:24:05 GMT

I almost stopped and got cigarettes on my way home, but I got Burger King instead.

something about it being cheaper and probably healthier. that, and, you know. I don't smoke.
*coughcough*

weird day. lacking responses at my threats to delete the journal, I think this might become official.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 23:27:56 GMT

that's just how I've felt all day. no idea why. probably lack of sleep. speaking of which, I have to head to bed in about an hour.

I'm thinking about deleting my journal. a little old lady down the street tried to feed my dog cookies and told me we ("we" being me and the dog) reminded her of her granddaughter.

weird day.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 03:26:04 GMT

I finally up and cleaned my apartment because it occured to me all of a sudden that I was sick of laying in bed. you know, seeing as how I've been doing it for a ridiculous amount of time. the good news is, I get to go to work on sunday. the bad news is, I have to go in to work on sunday at five AM, which means I have to wake up at 3:15. this is beyond ridiculously early. this is....ludicrously early. torturously early. mind-blowingly early. et. al.

anyway, since the apartment was all clean and stuff, I took some pictures. not a lot, because there's not a lot to see. and I left the bathroom out, because it's a) too tiny to really warrant a picture, and b) too far away from all the cords and stuff.

so then.

kitchen / living room / ...entertainment area? the bathroom is what's through that door. and the dog toys? they will never all be cleaned up. I have resigned myself to this fact.

bed. and messy bedside table thing.

door. I hate my door. hate isn't even strong enough. I loathe this door with the fire of one thousand suns. if you turn the light out, you can still see light around every single side of it, and there's easily two inches of open space under the bottom. this is why it's draped in a black sheet. to keep the cold air out. because my door is right smack dab in front of the door to the outside. there's also a towel shoved into those wonderful two inches of space. stupid door.

also, I don't know why my dog puts up with me.

D'Artagnan with a babushka.

D'Artagnan as a biker!

D'Artagnan is bigger than you and will consume you all, puny hu-mans!

D'Artagnan being cute as only he can.

okay, so, most pointless entry ever. I have nothing else to do. the apartment is clean, the dishes are done, the dog has been walked, and the laundry center is closed for the night. on the upside, I took a shower, cleaned, did dishes, and took the dog for a walk without getting nauseous at all. this is squealy dancing worthy news, I feel.

that's pretty much all. I feel better after accomplishing that stuff.

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:52:35 GMT

1. I'm begining to enjoy making lists.

2. went to the ER again sunday and was told to stay home for a week. told to just stay in bed for a few days of that week, actually. this week is going to drive me mad.

3. I have two funny stories from all my trips to the ER.

3a. one doctor, instead of telling me I needed more rest, told me I needed more breast.

3b. I wound up sharing a room with a girl who tried to slit one of her wrists because her mother wouldn't make her a chocolate milkshake. this was "infuriating". her mother, the chooclate milkshake instigator, kept referring to me as white trash and I don't know why.

3b.2. why couldn't you make your own damn milkshake?

seriously?????

I don't know. I've been watching too many movies and the twilight zone and knitting a whole hell of a lot. and I feel like a jerk for complaining about being forbidden to go back to a job that I hate. seems hypocritical or something.

but that's about all.

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 03:47:33 GMT

huh.

I just watched Battle Royale. and if you happen to be interested in seeing a bunch of kids doing various violent things that end in death to other kids, it might be right up your alley.

also, kind of a Clockwork Orange-esque use of classical music.

weird. eerie.

both my neighbors are having parties. I'm tired, but I'm pretty sure not even I can sleep through that.

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:29:28 GMT

well, I personally never would have guessed how much people whose origins are heavily steeped in mexico enjoy a good polka. I mean....when I think of mexico and instruments that remind me of it, the accordian really isn't what pops into my head.

but...yeah. polkas.

and, more specifically, the chicken dance.

not that I walked back in from my lunch break to find sixteen mexicans in a row doing the chicken dance.

because that would just be weird.

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 00:03:50 GMT

OMG, someone please buy me Donny Osmond so we can dance like this all the time up and down the streets of new york.

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 04:06:17 GMT

1. Where is your cell phone?
well that was direct. it's on my dresser. any of my other personal belongings you'd like to keep track of? my i-Pod is over there too.

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
wait, what about them? does that "where is" trickle down to cover all of the following questions? are you inquiring as to my significant other's location, or just their existence?

3. Your hair?
it both exists and has a location. both happen to be on top of my head.

4. Your grandma?
which one? I guess they're both in the same general location (Kansas City), but as to specifics, I'm sure they're quite different.

5. Your father?
somewhere around New York City, I think.

6. Your favorite item?
this is getting confusing. are you asking what my favorite item is? where it is? what happened to it? last time it saw the light of day? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

7. Your dream last night?
I guess it's general location would be somewhere inside my head.

8. Your favorite drink?
white russians, at the moment. I dont' know. it changes.

9. Your dream car?
one that works consistently?

10. The room you are in?
THERE'S ONLY ONE.

11. Your ex?
INSANE. the whole damn lot of them. okay, not all of them. there's maybe....one. vaguely sane one who isn't utterly and completely whacked. but other than that. YOU'RE ALL NUTS.

12. Your fear?
are you asking me where my fear is?

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
a pastry chef.

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
the only person I ever hang out with, these days. my dog. unless the hot doctor or the pharmacist who can't count at Target count.

15. What you're not?
um....able to drive? I did just take a shit ton of vicodin.

16. Muffin?
WHAT?!?!?

17. One of your wish list items?
apartment in minneapolis

18. The last thing you did?
um...answered number seventeen?

19. What are you wearing?
Kansas City Jayhawks t-shirt. GO JAYS

20. Your favorite book?
Till We Have Faces. my copy got stolen though. I need a new one.

21. The last thing you ate?
hot chocolate and grapes.

22. Your life?
lonely.

23. Your mood?
woozy.

24. Your friends?
....what about my friends? are you threatening my friends?

25. What are you thinking about right now?
what you have against my friends.

26. Your car?
doors freeze shut.

27. What are you doing at the moment?
TYPING

28. Last summer (2006)?
school

29. Your relationship status?
long-distance

30. What is on your TV?
I don't have one at the moment.

31. When is the last time you laughed?
a little while ago.

32. Reason you last cried?
wonked my head on something and made it bleeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 04:24:16 GMT

postconcussive syndrome

the thing where it says symptoms could be permanent is very disheartening.

that's what's wrong with my brains, by the way. more vicodin for me, along with a shit ton of ibuprofin and something for nausea. although....I don't know, the bottle says I was supposed to get thirty of the nausea things, and I have seven. that seems like a pretty big discrepancy to me. someone lose count?

at least I can blame my insomnia on this.

things here that are funny

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 16:21:34 GMT

- transcen-dental (a dentist)
- some gourmet food shop that offers free samples of "find cheese". perhaps it's hidden.
- rent a center that can't spell....I really really don't want to have a super bowel party, thanks.
- some church that set up a big mirror to catch the sun and blind drivers as they top a hill with a sign under it that announces "you have seen the light of the lord!"
- a strip club that apparently set up in an old church. the words from the sign from the church are kind of imprinted on the bricks (like, the sun faded the bricks around but not behind?), so occasionally you can catch it so it reads "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! of Jesus Christ and Latter-Day Saints".
- BOULEVARD ROAD. it gets me every time.
- "happy ending massage and theraputic touch". just from looking at this place....I don't think they know what a "happy ending massage" is. that, or....I don't know, maybe they're just trying to throw off the cops.
- I don't know about anyone else, but seeing a convoy of eight unmarked white semi-trucks being escorted by twelve cop cars through the backwoods of rural new york makes me kind of nervous.
- I went to the office yesterday to report my neighbor for noise violations. she has been screaming a lot. not like...happy screaming. just screaming obscenities and arguing with people whenever the fancy takes her. she's been aggravating my headaches and stuff. so, I guess they put a notice in her mailbox that she's been shouting too much, and her reaction was to call her mother and SCREAM that she hated everyone here, and that she didn't want to be here, and what the hell did we know, she was SO QUIET. then she kept screaming, "I will not keep my voice down! I WILL NOT KEEP MY VOICE DOWN!" hmm...maybe that's the damn problem? I don't know. I hate her. she reports me for violations if my dog barks more than twice in succession and says he's been barking "forever". she actually called and turned me in one day when he wasn't here, which I thought was kind of funny. I wonder what else in my apartment was barking.
-Phil Collins. Phil Collins, why am I listening to Phil Collins? oh yeah. I blame American Psycho. on this note, though....why am I listening to anything at all? maybe my head can throb along.

I got sent home from work again. I'm supposed to go back to the ER, but I'm kind of not sure I can drive right now. so...I'm just going to rest for a while.
concussions aren't supposed to last this long, I don't think.

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 08:56:40 GMT

and I would be the sexiest chalupa of them all....

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 03:06:37 GMT

Where will you be in ten years?

	WHERE: Doing your dream job WHY: Said a swear word

Where will you be in 10 years? at QuizGalaxy.com

woo hoo!

my head kind of feels better today. there's a dog asleep on my elbow and I honestly don't even know who's playing in the superbowl.

life isn't awful.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 20:37:49 GMT

a. I don't know why I'm listening to DC Talk. I honestly don't. the last time I heard these songs was sixth grade when I had to do some weird project for religion class in which we found a secular song and a gospel reading to share with the class, and we had to distribute some sort of "keepsake". for some reason I thought it would be fun to use that paint / gel stuff you use on t-shirts and crap to decorate a bunch of pieces of paper with the lyrics on them. I don't know. i-Tunes and I are a dangerous combination. the only thing I really remember from that is that Alison Halter did "The Sign" from Ace of Base. no one liked her, and she was insane about the spice girls long past the point when they were popular.

2. my head is killing me.
2a. I'm out of vicodin.

c. I'm having a lot of trouble focusing on things for anything resembling an extended period of time. I don't know if that's conussion realted, but it's kind of worrisome. it's like having a very drowsy form of ADD. or like being drunk, in a weird not-much-fun kind of way.

4. honestly, all I want to do is go for a walk. but if I stand up for long periods of time, I still get really nauseous.

I don't know. this conussion is pissing me off, and I'm starting to wonder when it's going to go away. the dog would probably really appreciate a walk. my "r" key is sticking. selectively.
part of me kind of insists that I should just, you know, buck up and deal with the damn head stuff. but then that part of me starts to feel like it's going to pass out. then I start to wonder if this is anything approaching normal, and I start to get worried, but I don't want to call work and tell them to take me back to the doctor. I really kind of hate hospitals.

I'm officially babbling. I'll go listen to my conservative christian rock elsewhere. knitting might be involved. it's something that can be done while lying in bed like a slob watching movies.

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 20:46:23 GMT

there are entirely too many locations here with the word KILL in their names.

I kid you not.

apparently I live next to Fishkill. I don't know if that's a city or a county or what. Obviously there's the Catskill mountains. Sawkill Road. Platteskill is both a county AND a road AND one of the reststops near here is named that.

what is it with these people? kill the fish and the cats and the plattes and the saws? eesh.

in other news, however, new york accents are the cutest things ever. I got sent home from work.

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 00:53:20 GMT

in a world where this even exists at all, I really have to question the existence of any form of god whatsoever.

in other news, I spent pretty much all day in a weird, loopy, vicodin haze, and then for some reason thought it would be a good idea to go to the grocery store without having eaten anything at all during the course of said vicodin-hazy day. not such a hot idea. I probably bought too many pop-tarts and things that are chocolate-chip cookie dough flavored. on the up side of things, however, I'm at least moderately sure I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 08:06:51 GMT

a quarter to three in the morning is a bad time to decide you're feeling lonely, as, at a quarter to three in the morning, there really isn't anyone you can call to talk to about these horrible feelings of loneliness you might be having. however, when one begins to engage in rambling, obtuse narratives whose only audience is a dog, one begins to feel that perhaps one needs some actual socialization that doesn't involve a computer screen or a phone. especially when the dog falls asleep.

so I went for a walk, assuming that it would somehow make me either less lonely or more tired, but all it did was make me nauseous and induce a headache. the headache keeps getting worse and worse, and at the moment is bording on migraine-ous (I'm wearing sunglasses, in the dark, because the computer screen is too bright for me right now), but if I take more vicodin now, I'll have to call off work today. maybe I should anyway. migraine-ous and nauseous is not such a great way to start the day. neither is lack of sleep-ous, probably.

also, I wound up carrying the dog for most of the walk. he's a big baby....when his feet get cold, he'll switch to only walking on three, or just stand there with two of them in the air as though he's hurt, and at that point it's easier to just pick him up. I love that little guy dearly....but he puts a cramp on my walking style.

the walk also served to make me feel more lonely, because there's something terribly depressing about walking around a large apartment complex and realizing that no one's lights are one, thus, logically, no one else is awake. I mean, that makes sense. it is a quarter to three in the morning. people should be sleeping.
but it just doesn't help.

I think the dog has an ear infection and my wrists hurt from all the cape-knitting. the boy is being a ridiculously sweet individual, and it's moments like this, at a quarter to three in the morning, that I make cloying, desperate phone calls to ridiculously sweet boys saying utterly stupid things. a quarter to three in the morning is usually when I start saying utterly stupid things in general, really.

in an awkward aside, I've been worried lately that my utter lack of academic perusal is going to make me stupid. it feels like forever since I read an actual book. like, a grown-up people book. I don't know why I stake my level of intelligence on that, but there you go.

oh god, my migraine is in my neck now. is that even possible?

I'm completely and utterly not tired, and the concept of just laying quietly in the dark for the next three hours is kindofterrifying. my legs are still cold from the walk, and I have a weird rough patch of skin on one of the knuckles of my left hand.

okay, I admit it. coming to new york for my externship was a stupid idea. are you happy, world?

later, edit: it is now a quarter to seven in the morning, and I still haven't slept because my headache kept getting worse and worse and worse. so I took more vicodin, because....this is nigh unbearable (I think when things are painful to the point of preventing sleep is when they tell you to take stuff for it, right?) and I guess I'll call in sick to work. or something.
like they can do anything. I can't drive now anyway, at least not until noon or thereabouts. probably noon thirty or so. I don't feel particularly bad about them missing out on my unpaid labor though. I wonder why.

mystery for the ages. one of the mexicans will just have to mix the scones.

yeah. boo fucking hoo.

(okay, so I'm bitter. sue me.)

longest, most pointless entry ever. I'm going to go curl up in a vicodin haze for a while.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 06:46:21 GMT

- ginger coconut noodles with shrimp

- I'm knitting myself a cape

other than my horrible taste in movies and the fact that someone really needs to stop me from spending money on i-Tunes, that's pretty much it.